Brad\'s Bobeche Blog

No two “good marriages” are the same. View these rules as guidelines, knowing full well that some of them fit you better than others and some are more important for you and your successful relationship. We are all looking for that elusive connection between souls that we call “true love.” I hope these “rules” which I’ve collected from internet sources, friends and general experience can help.

1. Honesty is the only policy!
2. Having the perfect marriage is not about finding the perfect partner, but being the perfect partner.
3. Be best friends. Talk about everything, stay active in each others lives. It’s the little details that make relationships fun.
4. Know your partner’s beliefs about relationships. Different people have different and often conflicting beliefs about relationships.
5. Know your own needs. Communicated them. Your partner is not a mind reader.
6. Never take your partner for granted.
7. Don’t expect your spouse to think like you, be like you or act like you. Just expect them to love you.
8. Chose your spouse the same way you chose your friends and for the same reason. Make sure you marry someone you like being with.
9. A marriage is all about teamwork, think of yourself as a team.
10. Know how to respect and manage differences; it’s the key to success in a relationship. Disagreements don’t sink relationships. Name-calling does. Learn how to handle the negative feelings that are the unavoidable byproduct of the differences between two people. Stonewalling or avoiding conflicts is NOT managing them.
11. If you don’t understand or like something your partner is doing, ask about it and why he or she is doing it. Talk and explore, don’t assume.
12. Take an interest in what interests your partner.
13. Solve problems as they arise. Don’t let resentments simmer. Most of what goes wrong in relationships can be traced to hurt feelings, leading partners to erect defenses against one another and to become strangers. Or enemies.
14. Develop the roles of your relationship by talking about what you both expect. The old relationships and roles our parents and grandparents played no longer exist.
15. Don’t be judgmental when you spouse tells you their problems.
16. Work hard at maintaining closeness. Closeness doesn’t happen by itself. In its absence, people drift apart and are susceptible to affairs. A good relationship isn’t an end goal; it’s a lifelong process maintained through regular attention.
17. Don’t tell your mother or father or your mother-in-law or father-in-law a secret that you wouldn’t tell your spouse. Openness and communication are keys to a healthy relationship.
18. Share your dreams. Adopt each others dreams and kept them up-to-date.
19. Never underestimate the power of good grooming.
20. Sex is good. Pillow talk is better. Sex is easy, intimacy is difficult. It requires honesty, openness, self-disclosure, confiding concerns, fears, sadnesses as well as hopes and dreams.
21. Never go to sleep angry. Try a little tenderness.
22. Don’t underestimate the power of a good hug.
23. Apologize, apologize, apologize. Anyone can make a mistake. Anyone can make a mistake, even you.—Willingness to make up after an argument is central to every happy marriage.
24. A good marriage is a merger of “equals.” Always treat you partner as an equal.
25. Maintain self-respect and self-esteem. It’s easier for someone to like you and to be around you when you like yourself. Research has shown that the more roles people fill, the more sources of self-esteem they have. Meaningful work—paid or volunteer—has long been one of the most important ways to exercise and fortify a sense of self.
26. Enrich your relationship by bringing into it new interests from outside the relationship. The more passions in life that you have and share, the richer your relationship will be. It is unrealistic to expect one person to meet all of your needs in life.
27. Watch your spouses favorite TV show with them, if you hate it – don’t let them know you hate it! Sometimes you do things with your partner because you are doing things with them, not because it’s your life’s passion.
28. Cooperate, cooperate, cooperate. Share responsibilities. Relationships work ONLY when they are two-way streets, with much give and take.
29. Stay open to spontaneity. (Plan on it!)
30. If it’s not flowers it’s something else, find out what it is and surprise your partner with it.
31. Take an interest in the little things that are bothering your spouse, even the things you can’t fix. Sometimes it’s not important that your fix them – or that they even are fixed. It’s important that you know about them.
32. Maintain your energy. Stay healthy.
33. Recognize that all relationships have their ups and downs and do not ride at a continuous high all the time. No relationship is perfect all the time. Working together through the hard times will make the relationship stronger.
34. Change yourself before you change your relationship.
35. Understand that love is not an absolute, not a limited commodity that you’re in of or out of. Says Sollee: It’s a feeling that ebbs and flows depending on how you treat each other. If you learn new ways to interact, the feelings can come flowing back, often stronger than before.
36. Be Gentle with each other.
37. A marriage is about giving of your self, not taking.
38. Spend time in and enjoy conversation with each other.
39. Allow yourself to be influenced by the other.
40. Keep score by remembering the good things your partner does for you.
41. Know your self.
42. Every night share one thing that your spouse did that you really appreciated that day.
43. Have a positive sense of humor in your relationship.
44. Let your partner be “right” even if they are “wrong.” Great relationships are about treating each other right, not being right.
45. Talk with each other about the little things as well as the big things.
46. Be good with conflict resolution skills in your marriage, (sometimes this means doing something, and sometimes it means letting things take care of themselves.)
47. Always, always have a sense of continued romance in your relationship.
48. Contempt for you partner in all it’s forms will do more than anything else to bring your relationship down. It needs to be avoided or worked through.
49. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. (1 Corinthians 13:13 NIV)
50. Your rules are as important as mine, feel free to create them, add to this list and talk about them as you continue to develop your relationship. Relationships grow, communication helps them grow strong and in the right direction. I’d love to hear what rules you’ve added.