So the other day I was driving home from an interview and I saw an advertisement for my bank on a billboard. The advertisement said, “ Where is your bank tack you? Besides Lunch.†The sign made me think for a second. My bank doesn’t take me to lunch. When did this start happening? Never once have I gone to my bank and they ask me where I would like to eat today. Never once did they say “Do you feel like Mexican today, or what about Swedish?†Not once have they said, “Man you look like you could go for a big juice steak right about know.†This made me a little upset and I decide to go to my back and do some investigation.
When I got there I walked up to the teller and made a deposit like usual. The teller did her work like usual and did make any jester like was going to take me to lunch. So I thought I would ham it up a little. Maybe she needed some type of hint that I was hungry before she asked. I sure they just go around and ask every single person who walks in if they would like some lunch. So people might take offense to that. So I did the naturally thing that anyone would do in my situation. I rubbed my stomach and said in a booming voice “ MAN IN HUNGRY! I HAVEN’T EATEN IN DAYS! I WOULD ROB A BANK SO THAT I COULD GET SOME MONEY FOR SOME FOOD!â€
Well this did not go over the way I thought it would. I guess saying you would rob a bank inside a bank is like saying you have a bomb on an airplane, while you were on the airplane. The events that followed happen so quickly that I only remember are small details. The first thing that happened was that the teller screamed, “ Oh, my god he is going to rob the bank.†She duck under the counter and from what I remember she never came back out. Luck for me the bank was full of other customers which they when into a huge panic. Women were screaming and waving their hands in the air. Some of them had little kids who started crying, “I don’t want to die!†I kids just stood there and peed his pants. People were diving under desks and counters trying to seek safety. One guy every jumped out a window (which was closed) to reach safety.
While this was going on the security guard who must have been sixty was sleeping at first and was awoken by the screams. It took him a second to relies what was going on. He tried to draw his weapon, but in the process shot himself in the foot. He fell over in pain and started to cry, I think he also peed himself. All this happened over the course of two minutes. At first I had no idea what happen and thought maybe I imagined all of it. Then I saw a ten-dollar bill on the floor. I went over picked it up and decided that I would have chipotle. As I left the bank and drove off to get my delicious lunch there was a trail over police cars and even a swat truck that surrounded the bank.
So the moral of this story is that you should change your oil every three thousand miles. Be kind to your car and it will be kind to you.